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Does Mark Levin have a micropenis? I don’t know and, frankly, I don’t care to. But one thing I do know for certain is that he’s not MAGA. No way—and it doesn’t matter what President Trump says.
The accusation that Levin might be hiding a little nub in his trousers—a button mushroom, a cocktail sausage, a tiny little acorn—was made by Megyn Kelly over the weekend, as their long-running battle over the future of MAGA and America’s relationship with Israel continued on X.
Levin called Kelly “diabolical” and “evil” for sharing an article that said the man suspected of attacking a synagogue in Michigan last week had lost family in a recent Israeli strike.
Kelly went straight below the belt.
“I’m sorry you have a micro penis, but don’t drag the rest of us into your drama.”
Kelly continued to berate Levin for his shortcomings, ahem, while he described her as an “emotionally unhinged, lewd, and petulant wreck,” adding that she’d “completely revealed and destroyed herself.”
It was all pretty unedifying. You don’t have to be a Brit like me, with our famous sense of propriety, to see that.
Levin did, at least, avoid giving the game away by uttering the mantra of dicklets the world over: “It isn’t the size of the boat, it’s the motion in the ocean,” or a variation on that theme.
Some mercy.
The “small penis theory of history,” as I’ve dubbed it, which sees all male power-seeking as a function of sexual inadequacy, is of course a boring, tired trope. I write about it in my new book, The Last Men: Liberalism and the Death of Masculinity. It’s been used against political leaders from Napoleon and Hitler to Vladimir Putin and, yes, Donald Trump, but it gets lobbed at men in general all the time.It’s boring and tired, and it’s also disabling, especially for young men, because it teaches them their natural desires are suspect and wrong. It makes the desire to assert what the Greeks called thymos—“spiritedness”—just that much harder to fulfil. And there’s nothing more threatening to the status quo today than men with thymos.
Anyway, it’s not the trope I’m interested in here so much as the response from President Trump, who leapt to Mark Levin’s defense with a fierceness and alacrity that surprised just about everyone, Mark Levin included.
Here’s most of what Trump said, in a post on Truth Social.
“Mark Levin, a truly Great American Patriot, is somewhat under siege by other people with far less Intellect, Capability, and Love for our Country. Mark is Tough, Strong, and Brilliant, hence the nickname, THE GREAT ONE conceived by our MAGA friend, the wonderful Sean Hannity, after years of dealing with Mark in Legal, Media, and other capacities… He is a true Conservative, and Intellect, far smarter than those who criticize him but, above all, he is a man of Great Wisdom and Common Sense who truly loves our Country.”
President Trump went on to say those who are “unfairly” attacking Levin are “jealous and Angry Human Beings, whose ‘sway’ is much less than the Public understands, and will, now that they know where I stand, rapidly diminish.”
He added that these unnamed critics—who we assume must include Tucker Carlson as well as Megyn Kelly—are “NOT MAGA,” because they don’t understand the importance of stopping Iran from having a nuclear weapon.
“THEY ARE NOT MAGA, I AM, and MAGA includes not allowing Iran, a Sick, Demented, and Violent Terrorist Regime, to have a Nuclear Weapon to blow up the United States of America, the Middle East and, ultimately, the rest of the World. MAGA is about stopping them cold, and that is exactly what we are doing.”
“Le MAGA: c’est moi.” That must be President Trump at his most monarchical. And, in a real sense, he’s right. Without Trump, there would be no MAGA. But there’s a difference between necessary and sufficient causes. Even if Trump is the necessary cause, he’s not sufficient. MAGA is a movement that has principles—America first, first—and it always has done. They’re just as necessary too. Trump may like Mark Levin right now because Mark Levin agrees with him more than Megyn Kelly, but so what?
Levin, you may remember, was a self-proclaimed “Never Trumper” in 2016. Trump was a “globalist” hypocrite, Levin said; his supporters, “sleazeballs.” Levin warned conservatives that Trump was “taking you for a ride.” “You will be disappointed,” he assured them.
Levin may have warmed to Trump over the years, but he’s never stopped criticizing him—largely on the basis of his fundamental concern, which is American support for Israel—and he’s not been above flirting openly with a change of Republican leadership, including Florida Governor Ron DeSantis during the 2024 primary.
Levin fawns over Trump today and gushes at his generosity, but only because Trump is giving him his long-awaited war with Iran. It’s easy to be nice when you’re getting exactly what you want.
Other prominent American right-wing figures have changed their minds considerably since 2016. Megyn Kelly and Tucker Carlson thought very differently about Trump back then—and so did Vice President JD Vance, who had plenty of less-than-flattering things to say about his current boss. Vance called himself a “Never Trumper” too.
But one important thing distinguishes them from Mark Levin. Their support for President Trump, and for the MAGA movement he still leads, is not contingent on his support for another nation that isn’t the US.
Call him “Tucker Qatarlson” all you want: That doesn’t change anything. He’s an American, and that’s where his loyalty lies.
At present, it’s hard to tell exactly what Operation Epic Fury is doing to MAGA. Polling suggests the Republican base, and especially self-described “MAGA conservatives,” overwhelmingly support it. We’re talking support in the high eighties and nineties. The social-media “echo chamber” appears to be just that: a bunch of hysterical, high-cortisol crybabies; bots; AI slop accounts; braindead influencers who should be delivering pizza and drinking bongwater—but also plenty of people who are genuinely worried about the direction America is headed and doing their best to make their voices heard amidst the sound and fury.
It feels like anything could happen right now. The war could end tomorrow or it could drag on for God only knows how long, with God only knows what outcome.
Iran is without a leader.Mojtaba Khamenei, the ayatollah’s son and successor, is legless in Moscow, and I don’t mean he’s on a drinking binge. He literally has no legs—and his guts are perforated and he’s in a coma. He had to be replaced by a cardboard cutout at the “allegiance ceremony” announcing his election, and there’s no guarantee he’ll ever make it back to Iran alive. He’s also gay, as if his situation weren’t already complicated enough.
But the Iranians continue to fight. The Strait of Hormuz still remains largely impassable. America’s allies don’t want to help by providing escorts. An invasion of the Iranian shoreline may be unavoidable.
If this latest episode of military adventurism comes to a satisfying resolution soon—and I pray it does—and Trump can get back to focusing on domestic issues, the question of America’s relationship to Israel still won’t go away. Attitudes are hardening, fast. Whether that’s demographic change—including the growing obsolescence of boomers—or simply disgust at Israel’s behavior, we can debate. I think it’s both. Zoomers and Gen Alpha are a lot browner than Millennials and Gen X, but they also consume their media differently, and circumstances really aren’t as they once were. Even Charlie Kirk, who spent most of his career as the most prominent young apologist for “America’s Greatest Ally,” was on the cusp of a dramatic change of heart when he was killed, or so we’re told.
And if it doesn’t—end soon, I mean, and in a satisfying way that benefits America first and foremost—the Mark Levin of 2016 will be right, just not in quite the sense he intended. You really will be disappointed, taken for a ride by Trump. Mark Levin? He’ll be grinning from ear to ear.
